Prairie Post

MTV just ruined my pathetic Millennial self-worth

If there’s any true harbinger of the apocalypse it’s probably the MTVInsights Tumblr, which is, in fact, void of any insight at all.

An explanation might best be summed up in the site’s own words, from their “About this site”:

“MTVInsights is “radically audience intimate” with Millennials! We’ll help you see the world through their eyes – where everything is open-sourced, hierarchy is crumbling and being smart+funny+creative = the new cool.”


The micro-blog is supposed to function as sort of a field guide to Millennials: their slang, their habits, their attitudes, their desires and dreams. But what it actually does is incite crushing depression, prompting those who are considered part of “Generation Y” (myself tragically included) to wonder, “is this really what our contributions to society are?” It includes some absolutely terrifying infographics of what MTV considers Millennial archetypes, such as “Slashitude Steve,” “Meme-ing Madison,” and the unbelievably pathetic “Food Truck Frank”:

In case you didn’t know (I sure as hell didn’t) about all the crazy slang we’re using these days, the site covers that, too. Phrases and words like “the chill hustle,” “N.A.R.P. (Not a Real Person),” and “Swole,” which is short for being swollen from spending so much time at the gym, are all covered. They’re mostly words I’ve never heard before, which leads me to wonder whether I’m living under a rock and people actually exist that would spew these terrible things from their acid-filled snake mouths, or they’re factory-created and too new to find anywhere.

The blog seems to be unintentionally hilarious, but I can’t help but wonder if MTV is just taking the piss out of what I might now, after seeing this, refer to as “Generation W” (W is for worthless). There’s even a post from one Junene Taylor, a surefire worm of a person, who takes valuable time out of her schedule of doing absolutely nothing to provide value to anyone, anywhere, to jot down a checklist to see whether or not you’re having a quarter-life crisis. But only after she explains that she’s “on pause” from chasing the American dream because of the economy, silently waiting in her parents’ basement for it to knock on the door and whisk her away to be a social media consultant or something of similar value (like a blind seeing-eye dog, for example).

There are so many things to say about this, and not enough time to say them. So if you’re wondering what MTV thinks you’re all about (remember, they are “radically audience intimate”), or interested in finding out just what will bring about the end of the world in advance, check it out here.

Matt Williams is a writer and musician with a decent fantasy football team. Follow him on Twitter @WaterInHell .

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