This Sunday is Super Bowl XLVII. Here’s the storyline: breakout quarterback Colin Kaepernick of the San Francisco 49ers is going up against a hot Baltimore Ravens team, led by future hall of fame linebacker Ray Lewis, who announced his retirement only days before their opening post-season game against the Colts. By most accounts, the game should be pretty damn close, and pretty damn great, and we will all find out if Joe Flacco is a bit above average or just a bit better than Tony Romo. It’ll have huge hits, big catches, and a lot of buff dudes looking tough after they do things. There will also be tons of yelling. And cheerleaders. And beer. You know, the whole shebang.
Things it won’t have, though, are a bunch of, if any, puppies. That’s where the Puppy Bowl comes in.
The Puppy Bowl (which is already a clever name) is a game of football played between, you guessed it, puppies! It airs on Super Bowl Sunday as well, and gets way less viewers, but is beloved by those who gamble tons of money on it every year. This year is Puppy Bowl IX, and it’s sure to be a barn burner. Michael Vick has never been invited, don’t worry.
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But how would a bunch of terrifyingly huge men stack up against a pack of adorably small puppies? Fast Company has decided to answer that burning question with some side-by-side comparisons of players and puppies. You’ll get the lowdown on match ups like Ray Rice vs. Cash the pit bull, Torrey Smith vs. Simba the Japanese chin, and Colin Kaepernick vs. Harry the smooth chocolate dachshund (go team Harry, Kaepernick’s a flash in the pan, go Pack, suck it 49ers!).
Try not to imagine, though, what it would be like if they actually played a football game against each other. I have a feeling it would be very sad, and very graphic, and PETA would have to step in.
What I’m really wondering though, is who will sing the national anthem? A pack of wolves? Stay tuned!
Matt Williams is a Winnipeg-based writer and musician infatuated by lady country singers. Follow him on Twitter @WaterInHell.
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