Fortunately (for me) Taylor Swift (the princess) and Harry Styles (dude from band that only the lamest 8-year-olds listen to), have just broken up. But that is, by far, not the first breakup in Taylor’s life. In fact, we don’t even know yet how important it will be in the way it shapes pop culture through her songs about it, since she probably hasn’t even written one yet. But you can bet there will be. Maybe even more than one.
It’s not every day I get to write about one of my favourite subjects. But looking at this infographic, I’m starting to wonder if Taylor Swift may be a robot, or maybe a demon, sent to make all men eventually miserable by debilitating them with her rejection. Imagine a planet full of men so terrified of intimacy that the reproduction of our species simply ended (without getting snarky about it and saying, “I don’t even have to imagine it!” or saying something about population control). If she does it enough, it could lead to the extinction of all mankind. Taylor Swift could destroy our chances of a future. And she will do it all with glitter on her porcelain skin.
This infographic crafted by The Daily Beast gets in-depth about just how many relationships Swift has been in, how many days spent in each one, and how many magazine covers certain ones have warranted during their (likely short) lifespan. One pretty surprising statistic is the number of relationships compared to how many breakup songs she has. The answer might surprise you. Or frighten you.
It might also beg the question, on the opposite end of the “world domination” theory: is Taylor Swift continually crushing herself into a deep depression by forging intimate connections and then breaking them off even though she doesn’t want to? Is she suffering for her art on purpose? Do we, as Taylor Swift fans, need to stand up and say, “No! Taylor! Do NOT deprive yourself of happiness just for that kickass single that will make you a billionaire!……….. IloveyoupleaseIwillneverhurtyoucomebewithme…”?
One would hope that needn’t be said. But regardless of your theories, these are the facts, and now you can all know the truth.
PS – Taylor, if you read this, I have a calendar of you on my wall, and I’d be cool to go for a walk on the beach or in a moonlit garden or build you a fairytale or whatever. If you want. No pressure (please?).
Matt Williams is a Winnipeg-based writer, musician, and unashamed Taylor Swift fan. Follow him on Twitter @WaterInHell .
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