1. Japanese automakers recall 3.4 million vehicles
Have you ever met one of those nuts who says that airbags do more harm than good? Well, in this case, they might actually be right. Honda, Toyota, Nissan, and Mazda are recalling 3.4 million vehicles because the passenger-side airbags have a tendency to deploy with enough force to send metal shards flying all over the vehicle, which is the last thing you want to worry about when you’re in an accident that requires airbags. This isn’t the first time Honda’s had this sort of problem—the company has recalled almost 2 million driver-side airbags since 2008. [New York Times, BBC]
2. Gold drops slightly in value while Bitcoin plummets
If you just finished investing all of your money in gold and Bitcoin, the digital alternative currency, you’re probably going to want to start looking for some extra work (preferably not as a financial planner). Yesterday, the price of gold went down another $28 to $1,558 an ounce, the latest in a 17 per cent drop since late 2011. Worse yet, the virtual currency Bitcoin lost half its value in only six hours, proving once again that your safest financial bet is still that shoebox full of cash you keep under your bed. [New York Times, BBC]
3. PC sales experiencing crash
Showing that Microsoft could in fact design a less appealing operating system than Windows ME, new research from IDC shows the largest ever drop in PC sales following the release of Windows 8. It’s beginning to look like PCs are on their way out, so you might want to start learning how to use one of those artsy-fartsy Macintosh units. [Atlantic, Globe and Mail]
4. Iran invents a time machine
To prove to the world that Iran can do more than just send one monkey to space and have it return as a different monkey, a 27-year-old scientist named Ali Razeghi has invented a time machine. Unlike traditional time machines, Razeghi says his can enter up to eight years into the future, bringing back details (with 98 per cent accuracy) like what hair cuts will be cool in 2020 or what Daniel Day Lewis’s next movie will be. Razeghi hasn’t yet said when he’ll be releasing a Photoshopped image of his bullshit invention. [Atlantic]
5. “North Pond Hermit” arrested
A man from Maine who’s been living in the woods for the past 27 years has been arrested for more than 1,000 alleged burglaries. Christopher Knight, known simply to locals as the “North Pond Hermit,” had been living in a tent in the woods since he was about 19 years old, supposedly surviving by breaking into nearby homes to steal a bite to eat. He was finally caught by authorities while trying to steal food from a camp for people with special needs, because when you’re a 47-year-old hermit, being PC is probably not your strong suit. [Globe and Mail]
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Mark Schram grew up on a ranch in southwestern Manitoba and now writes out of Winnipeg. If you would like to offer him a job or ask him about how to pull a calf, you can contact him at markcschram@gmail.com.