Prairie Post

Thanks, Internet: Hitchhiking hero Kai gets auto-tuned

A few days ago, when I first saw the uncut version of this interview, I asked in a Facebook status what the over/under was on days before it got auto-tuned. Well, if you bet under four days, you won my imaginary contest.

Kai is the loveable drifter/hitchhiker/”homefree” surfer who captured our hearts earlier this week with his rescue of a man pinned by a car driven by a crazy man who thought he was Jesus Christ. The crazy man also attacked a woman who was trying to stop him from going any further, at which point Kai smash, smash, SMASHED his hatchet on the guy and stopped him. It’s not a movie yet, but at least we finally have a song.

And (it makes my day to type this), Kai has referred to his heroic performance as, the “biggest wave” he has ever ridden in his life. Where can I buy this guy a beer?

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Despite being the exact same dude who every mom hopes their daughter never, ever dates, he saved at least a couple lives, and seems to have something that all of us dream of: peace of mind. So let this be a lesson. Maybe we’re all doing it wrong. Maybe I’ll get the hell out of dodge and on the next freight train to California. Maybe I’ll convince Kai to start a cult with me. Maybe I’ll… well, I’m getting hungry, so maybe I’ll just eat some lunch.

If you’re feeling down, I seriously recommend watching this. The part where he gazes into the camera with his big brown eyes and tells me that I’m a good person who deserves respect and love… I can’t even describe what I feel. It’s magical. Just, please: gaze back.

Matt Williams is a Winnipeg-based writer and musician infatuated by lady country singers. Follow him on Twitter @WaterInHell.

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